I'm not lost...

I'm still here......just lurking in the background for a quick bit of motivation or inspiration every time I get a minute out of my very busy life. I have not taken the time to post because my brain is in such a whirlwind I can not seem to quiet it down enough to think about what I want to post.
So, here is a quick update of where I am. I am still losing, ever so slowly, but still losing. I have lost about 5 pounds from the last time I posted. I have been missing my exercise class the last 3 times for different reasons. One day I had a migraine and only got in half an hour workout. I have been on the move way more that usual though.
Hope everyone is having a great week and I hope to get more time to post soon.

Last weigh-in of the year...

My last weigh-in for 2009.........I gained 1 pound!

OK...not what I wanted to have to post but it is the truth. I kinda knew I would have a gain this week, I have not been eating very healthy in the evenings and I have not exercised all last week.

I am not going to dwell on that 1 pound gain. I am moving on and ready to continue getting healthy....one little step at a time. I have been eating healthy for 2 days now and staying with-in my calorie allotment for the day. I have even exercised twice this week......so far.

I found some pictures of me before I started eating healthy and decided to post a comparison of then and now. I added them to my progress pictures page too.

This first one is a before and now picture of my face.


My husband took a picture of me on Christmas day 2009 (after my sponge bath and soup-pot hair wash) and then I found an older picture of me on Christmas 2007.


I may not have had a loss on the last weigh-in of the year but I have had a loss for the year. I am thinner now than I have ever been as an adult. My losses are not big and I would never win on the biggest loser but, I am still losing. I am worth it and I will get healthy!

A real country Christmas...

Weigh-in day was the day before Christmas and I lost .4 of a pound this week. Not much but, a loss is better than a gain. (which I will probably see next week O_o ) I did good at healthy eating last week but once again I did not exercise.

My Christmas was very interesting to say the least. Our pump to our well broke down on Christmas eve. We had no running water for 36 hours! We had a wonderful Christmas morning with the kids opening presents but, it was back to reality as soon as everyone had to go to the bathroom and there was no water to flush the toilet or wash hands. My husband found a 5 gallon bucket and dipped it into the pool in the back yard to bring in water to flush toilets...what a life saver!
We had planned a big Christmas breakfast and to head off to the in-laws for early dinner with the rest of the family. Well, I couldn't cook much without water. We had some water in a few containers to drink from and use for cooking about a gallon. I made a small breakfast and we all ate and appreciated it. No one wanted to go anywhere without showering so we called the in-laws to tell them what was going on. They still expected us to go so my husband found 3 gallons of water out in the garage that we heated up and washed up with. So off we went to town to see the in-laws and to eat dinner. When we arrived they had already started eating and not much was left. I had to slice turkey off the bone for us to eat...it tasted better than usual this year. We stayed to visit for a couple of hours. We took every container with a lid on it in our trunk and filled it with water once we got there. It wasn't too bad this year and at least we got to eat and get water for the next day till we could get parts for the pump. The next day my husband had to drive back into town to get parts and hope it would be the right thing. He found a guy that knew what he was talking about and helped him get the right part. The best thing we got for Christmas this year was running water the day after Christmas. Christmas in the country......real life!

One big disappointment was that half(2) of my son's presents didn't work and he couldn't enjoy them at all. I had to take them back the next day after the pump got fixed and because it was late in the day already, we didn't get back until 8:30 pm and then had to make dinner....it didn't end up being healthy.

On Sunday we had our oldest son and his girlfriend over for a Christmas celebration, a turkey dinner and to give them their presents. It was so nice to have water back to be able to cook and clean and go to the bathroom...and flush!

My eating has been pretty bad this week. Every day I get up and start the day out right and by evening I am craving something sweet or just munching on things that I shouldn't be eating. My water intake was very little for a couple of days and really made me feel bloated....along with eating not so healthy foods. I'm not feeling good today maybe it is because I have been eating too many sweets...I don't know...maybe I have an ear infection left over from my cold. Maybe both!!

feeling better today...

My cold is going away and the hormones are moving in. Oh, my. I'm so tired today.

I did end up going to class yesterday and working out. It was a great class...very productive. I am ready to be training to the next level. It always feels good to work hard. I only worked out once this week though.

So, I weighed in today and lost 2 pounds this week. I am happy with that considering I was not exercising and ate a lot on some days but, not on others, I guess it evened out.

I plan to go shopping tonight so I better get going and make a plan. We have a huge party planned at our house on Saturday. I am a bit nervous to see some of the people that haven't seen me all year and need to be mindful of what I put in my mouth regardless of what others are eating.

Have a great week!

I have a cold...

I've had a cold this week. So my eating has been off and on....sometimes I'm really hungry and other times I don't feel like eating. Drinking a lot of tea though. Feeling stressed and emotional but keeping my head above water one hour at a time. I am trying to get in any rest I can get but, my schedule is so busy right now. I have not exercised all week. Maybe tomorrow?? maybe not. we'll see. I need to get over this cold so I can get back to the normal things in life and not feel so burned out.

Thoughts about the test...

I weighed in today to find a loss for the week of 1.2 pounds. I was a little worried that I had not lost this week because I have not made it in to exercise much this week. I am hoping to get my rear in gear and exercise at home more and not use the excuse that I couldn't get to class this week or some stupid thing like that. It's really up to me....no one can make me do it.

Speaking of exercise and class, last week was testing week at my class and this was the first and only time I have not tested in four years. I am having mixed feelings about it. I know that I am at a level that does not require me to test until next term but it just felt weird to not do it. I was there and watched everyone test and move up a level. Not testing made me feel like I was not good enough to move up, even though that is not logical thinking......I am at the highest level I can be right now.....higher than everyone who tested this term. I should be proud of myself and confident with where I am. Next term is the soonest I can test to achieve the ultimate goal in our classes.....will I be ready??.....can I do this???...do I deserve this???...how much does this mean to me??...have I worked hard enough???...will I push to make it to the top???
I need to think positive about this...I can do it!!!! enough of that I just had to get it off my mind and move on.

How is everyone doing with the holiday eating? Next week we are having two parties and I am trying to prepare foods and have healthy choices available and I am also trying to prepare mentally. At Thanksgiving I was doing great with the healthy choices that I put out till my sister-in-law came over and started eating the bean dip and chips. She was saying how good it was and really enjoying it. It made me want to eat more. I knew it was really good, my son had made it and I tried it when he got done to make sure it was good. I had been having a little bit on celery every now and then but when she started to eat it I wanted to join right in. I did have a few too many dips of it on celery still and then moved away but, I really want to be more prepared next time. I noticed my daughter joining right in with her and tried to divert her with out making a scene about it.

Here's to healthy holiday eating and being prepared to fight the temptations to overeat and make bad choices.
We are worth it and will be happier in the long run! Good luck.

Weigh-in Day...

Yesterday was weigh-in day for me. The results were.......I gained 1 pound over the holiday week. I am a bit disappointed but not shocked. I had several days over the weekend that I was tempted by food and the worst was the Sunday banquet I think. Not to mention I didn't exercise last week....I skipped classes to cook and clean!

Ok......I'm back and trying to eat healthy and be prepared for the temptations to come this holiday season.
I have 14 pounds to lose to get to my ticker goal....I know that is not going to happen by the first of the year but, where do I want to be by the first of the year???? Do I want to at least stay the same or continue to try to lose in this holiday season?? I know I do not want to come out with a gain over the next month....that I do know. Can I continue to lose a small amount? or just not worry about it till the first of the year??

I am going to try to still lose a bit more before the first of the year....I can do this! It will be hard but, I can come out with a loss for December even if it is small !!

forgot breakfast today....

I forgot to eat breakfast today! ? ! Can a person actually forget to eat?? not me...never. Not good for me though I need to be more aware. Before I knew it, it was 1:00pm and I had not eaten. I didn't overeat as a result though thank goodness! I was really hungry at dinner though and ate 2 cups of turkey soup instead of one and I snuck in an extra half of roll. I was still well within my calories for the day when all was done.

Thanksgiving...

I had a great Thanksgiving! I did not stuff myself this year. Don't get me wrong, I did not eat perfectly, I ate the things that I wanted to and did not feel guilty about trying a small piece of the "forbidden foods" like pie and doughnuts not to mention stuffing and potatoes & gravy. I even had a dab of butter on a roll....not bad but I'm not missing it in everyday life. I'm fine to leave butter out now. I think I had more trouble resisting loading up on Friday with all the leftovers. I did great for breakfast and lunch but when dinner came I ate too much and then had ice cream for dessert. My stomach is not liking me today.

One of my biggest challenges this year was seeing people that I haven't seen in a year. Losing 56 pounds is starting to show and I can no longer hide the fact that I am losing weight. I had a hard time responding to the questions and the reactions of people that noticed. All is well though and I am starting to feel good about myself.

Funny little thing......I was always the one who was overweight at all the family functions and all the others were thin......time has turned the tables around and now I am not the heaviest one there, there are several there that are heavier than me now. Who would have known?

I weighed in a day early this week because I knew I would not be able to weigh-in on Thursday morning since I would not be home. I lost .8 of a pound. Every little bit is adding up....up to 56 pounds gone . I'm not losing fast but I'm hoping to keep off what I have lost!

How was your Thanksgiving? What were your challenges? food or people???

I am also learning to "let go"of the junk around me. It is a process...but one worth doing. Cleaning house went well and I was able to get rid of some of the junk I was holding on to.

Getting rid of the junk in life...something to celebrate!

cookies for dinner....

I weighed in last Thursday and was down .5 pounds. A half of a pound is not much but it is a loss and not a gain. I have been retaining some water this week but that's ok it will soon pass.
I made some bad choices on Sunday....for dinner I ate 4 cookies and 2 pieces of toffee, 1/2 slice of cheese and 2 rice crackers. I can't believe I did this. It was all about poor planning. I did not pack any healthy food to take with me for the evening. When I got hungry the only choices were cookies and candy and cheese & crackers at the class I was at. I had 2 cookies, one oatmeal and one chocolate chip with oatmeal and coconut thinking the oatmeal would help fill me up. ?? I also had a 1/2 cup coffee to help. Then I remembered I had an apple in my bag from a couple of days ago. Guess what I did.....I got 2 more cookies and did not eat my apple. I made a bad choice. I even went over my calorie limit for the day. I thought I would eat something healthy when I got home but I wasn't hungry when I got home so I went to bed. About 30 minutes after I ate the cookies I felt really tired and kinda sick. Good news is I didn't beat myself up about it and got right back on track Monday morning. Did I learn something?? yes, cookies are not as satisfying as they appear to be. Will I do it again ? Maybe not eat just cookies for dinner but I'm sure I will eat cookies again!!! biggest lesson....don't forget to plan to bring healthy food with me when I will need to eat. (I do this most of the time now anyway) And eat the healthy food that I bring!!
Wishing you all a healthy week!

Body image...

I found this article about body image that tells all about me and how I feel. I did change a few words around and left some stuff out but you'll get the idea. I have a hard time seeing anything that is good. Even if I see it in a picture, I can't see it in the mirror. I have been trying to work on seeing me....the real me. My husband gets so frustrated with me because he thinks I just don't want to listen to him when he gives me a compliment.....it's not that at all....I want to, I just can't for some reason. I need to believe it for myself.

Here’s a list of indicators that your image may be suffering more than usual (and ways to fix it below that):

1. You notice only negative things in the mirror, car windows, storefront windows, etc. Instead of seeing your positive physical traits, you’re more likely to be found bashing your body, and nitpicking at every nook and cranny.

2. You have a tough time taking compliments. It isn’t that you’re too polite to take a compliment; it’s that you truly believe you don’t deserve them.

3. You rarely think you look good. Even wearing a favorite outfit doesn’t help you to feel good in your skin. You rarely feel beautiful or even pretty.

4. You compare yourself to everyone. For many of us, comparisons are as natural as breathing. But, while you’re comparing your appearance to everyone else’s, you rarely have anything good to say about yourself. It’s always, “her thighs are so much slimmer than mine.” “Her waist is much smaller.”

5. It takes you forever to pick out an outfit — more often than not. Do you have a moment — more like many moments — where you’ve been cooped up in your room, trying on tons of clothes? You can’t see your floor, partially because it’s overflowing with clothing and mainly because your face is filled with tears.

6. You skip events because you don’t think you look good enough.

7. You criticize your body regularly. “My stomach is gross.” “My thighs are enormous!”


5 Solutions to Your Bruised Body Image:

1. Think of the awesome things you can do thanks to your body, whether it’s lifting weights, walking several miles, playing with your child, playing an instrument, riding a bike, dancing, achieving a tough yoga pose or simply wrapping your arms around a loved one.

2. What do you like about yourself, including and beyond your body? Create a list of your positive qualities and achievements, and if you need extra reminding, put the list on a note card where you can see it.

3. Hang out with positive people, who appreciate and support you, who see beyond appearances to who you really are.

4. View exercise as fulfilling, not punishing. Instead of working out to eliminate calories choose ways to stay active that you enjoy and that make you feel strong and good about your body. There are tons of options for leading an active lifestyle: walking, hiking, biking, workout DVDs, gym membership, yoga, Pilates, dancing, tennis. There’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t like the latest workout craze. Pick something that resonates with you.

5. Worrying about your weight and body is exhausting and strips you of valuable time. Consider all the good things you miss out on because you’re too busy criticizing yourself.

Do you think your body image has been bruised?

What things do you do to improve your body image?

If you have any advise that will help I would love to hear it!

No more baggy underwear!!!....

I had a great week overall. I turned around the few bad choices I made and started with a new day and ended up losing 2 pounds this week. I feel good about that. One more pound to get to 55 pounds lost. Five at a time is a fun goal.

I have made some breakthroughs on some of my issues. Ok, the biggest issue is now taken care of.....I have new underwear!!! No, those are not my real underwear in the picture but mine were feeling that big. I have put off buying anything new because partly I didn't want it to mean to me that this is where I am going to stay weight wise....if that make sense. I still want to keep on losing and somehow in my brain, if I buy something new it will somehow signal that this is where I will be staying. I know this is not true and I can no longer bare to wear these baggy undies. I deserve to have new ones that fit...no more baggy underwear....that is my breakthrough!!

Also I am just plain cheap!! and will do without for as long as I can. I have gotten a new belt(thrift store "new" $1.29 black leather DKNY) to hold up all my baggy pants. So the next thing I have decided to do is to alter some of my favorite clothes that I can't bare to part with yet so they will fit and get rid of all the ones that are just plain too big to even alter now. I think this will be good for me and it won't cost any money!!! I am however keeping the biggest pants that I ever wore.