A real country Christmas...

Weigh-in day was the day before Christmas and I lost .4 of a pound this week. Not much but, a loss is better than a gain. (which I will probably see next week O_o ) I did good at healthy eating last week but once again I did not exercise.

My Christmas was very interesting to say the least. Our pump to our well broke down on Christmas eve. We had no running water for 36 hours! We had a wonderful Christmas morning with the kids opening presents but, it was back to reality as soon as everyone had to go to the bathroom and there was no water to flush the toilet or wash hands. My husband found a 5 gallon bucket and dipped it into the pool in the back yard to bring in water to flush toilets...what a life saver!
We had planned a big Christmas breakfast and to head off to the in-laws for early dinner with the rest of the family. Well, I couldn't cook much without water. We had some water in a few containers to drink from and use for cooking about a gallon. I made a small breakfast and we all ate and appreciated it. No one wanted to go anywhere without showering so we called the in-laws to tell them what was going on. They still expected us to go so my husband found 3 gallons of water out in the garage that we heated up and washed up with. So off we went to town to see the in-laws and to eat dinner. When we arrived they had already started eating and not much was left. I had to slice turkey off the bone for us to eat...it tasted better than usual this year. We stayed to visit for a couple of hours. We took every container with a lid on it in our trunk and filled it with water once we got there. It wasn't too bad this year and at least we got to eat and get water for the next day till we could get parts for the pump. The next day my husband had to drive back into town to get parts and hope it would be the right thing. He found a guy that knew what he was talking about and helped him get the right part. The best thing we got for Christmas this year was running water the day after Christmas. Christmas in the country......real life!

One big disappointment was that half(2) of my son's presents didn't work and he couldn't enjoy them at all. I had to take them back the next day after the pump got fixed and because it was late in the day already, we didn't get back until 8:30 pm and then had to make dinner....it didn't end up being healthy.

On Sunday we had our oldest son and his girlfriend over for a Christmas celebration, a turkey dinner and to give them their presents. It was so nice to have water back to be able to cook and clean and go to the bathroom...and flush!

My eating has been pretty bad this week. Every day I get up and start the day out right and by evening I am craving something sweet or just munching on things that I shouldn't be eating. My water intake was very little for a couple of days and really made me feel bloated....along with eating not so healthy foods. I'm not feeling good today maybe it is because I have been eating too many sweets...I don't know...maybe I have an ear infection left over from my cold. Maybe both!!

feeling better today...

My cold is going away and the hormones are moving in. Oh, my. I'm so tired today.

I did end up going to class yesterday and working out. It was a great class...very productive. I am ready to be training to the next level. It always feels good to work hard. I only worked out once this week though.

So, I weighed in today and lost 2 pounds this week. I am happy with that considering I was not exercising and ate a lot on some days but, not on others, I guess it evened out.

I plan to go shopping tonight so I better get going and make a plan. We have a huge party planned at our house on Saturday. I am a bit nervous to see some of the people that haven't seen me all year and need to be mindful of what I put in my mouth regardless of what others are eating.

Have a great week!

I have a cold...

I've had a cold this week. So my eating has been off and on....sometimes I'm really hungry and other times I don't feel like eating. Drinking a lot of tea though. Feeling stressed and emotional but keeping my head above water one hour at a time. I am trying to get in any rest I can get but, my schedule is so busy right now. I have not exercised all week. Maybe tomorrow?? maybe not. we'll see. I need to get over this cold so I can get back to the normal things in life and not feel so burned out.

Thoughts about the test...

I weighed in today to find a loss for the week of 1.2 pounds. I was a little worried that I had not lost this week because I have not made it in to exercise much this week. I am hoping to get my rear in gear and exercise at home more and not use the excuse that I couldn't get to class this week or some stupid thing like that. It's really up to me....no one can make me do it.

Speaking of exercise and class, last week was testing week at my class and this was the first and only time I have not tested in four years. I am having mixed feelings about it. I know that I am at a level that does not require me to test until next term but it just felt weird to not do it. I was there and watched everyone test and move up a level. Not testing made me feel like I was not good enough to move up, even though that is not logical thinking......I am at the highest level I can be right now.....higher than everyone who tested this term. I should be proud of myself and confident with where I am. Next term is the soonest I can test to achieve the ultimate goal in our classes.....will I be ready??.....can I do this???...do I deserve this???...how much does this mean to me??...have I worked hard enough???...will I push to make it to the top???
I need to think positive about this...I can do it!!!! enough of that I just had to get it off my mind and move on.

How is everyone doing with the holiday eating? Next week we are having two parties and I am trying to prepare foods and have healthy choices available and I am also trying to prepare mentally. At Thanksgiving I was doing great with the healthy choices that I put out till my sister-in-law came over and started eating the bean dip and chips. She was saying how good it was and really enjoying it. It made me want to eat more. I knew it was really good, my son had made it and I tried it when he got done to make sure it was good. I had been having a little bit on celery every now and then but when she started to eat it I wanted to join right in. I did have a few too many dips of it on celery still and then moved away but, I really want to be more prepared next time. I noticed my daughter joining right in with her and tried to divert her with out making a scene about it.

Here's to healthy holiday eating and being prepared to fight the temptations to overeat and make bad choices.
We are worth it and will be happier in the long run! Good luck.

Weigh-in Day...

Yesterday was weigh-in day for me. The results were.......I gained 1 pound over the holiday week. I am a bit disappointed but not shocked. I had several days over the weekend that I was tempted by food and the worst was the Sunday banquet I think. Not to mention I didn't exercise last week....I skipped classes to cook and clean!

Ok......I'm back and trying to eat healthy and be prepared for the temptations to come this holiday season.
I have 14 pounds to lose to get to my ticker goal....I know that is not going to happen by the first of the year but, where do I want to be by the first of the year???? Do I want to at least stay the same or continue to try to lose in this holiday season?? I know I do not want to come out with a gain over the next month....that I do know. Can I continue to lose a small amount? or just not worry about it till the first of the year??

I am going to try to still lose a bit more before the first of the year....I can do this! It will be hard but, I can come out with a loss for December even if it is small !!

forgot breakfast today....

I forgot to eat breakfast today! ? ! Can a person actually forget to eat?? not me...never. Not good for me though I need to be more aware. Before I knew it, it was 1:00pm and I had not eaten. I didn't overeat as a result though thank goodness! I was really hungry at dinner though and ate 2 cups of turkey soup instead of one and I snuck in an extra half of roll. I was still well within my calories for the day when all was done.

Thanksgiving...

I had a great Thanksgiving! I did not stuff myself this year. Don't get me wrong, I did not eat perfectly, I ate the things that I wanted to and did not feel guilty about trying a small piece of the "forbidden foods" like pie and doughnuts not to mention stuffing and potatoes & gravy. I even had a dab of butter on a roll....not bad but I'm not missing it in everyday life. I'm fine to leave butter out now. I think I had more trouble resisting loading up on Friday with all the leftovers. I did great for breakfast and lunch but when dinner came I ate too much and then had ice cream for dessert. My stomach is not liking me today.

One of my biggest challenges this year was seeing people that I haven't seen in a year. Losing 56 pounds is starting to show and I can no longer hide the fact that I am losing weight. I had a hard time responding to the questions and the reactions of people that noticed. All is well though and I am starting to feel good about myself.

Funny little thing......I was always the one who was overweight at all the family functions and all the others were thin......time has turned the tables around and now I am not the heaviest one there, there are several there that are heavier than me now. Who would have known?

I weighed in a day early this week because I knew I would not be able to weigh-in on Thursday morning since I would not be home. I lost .8 of a pound. Every little bit is adding up....up to 56 pounds gone . I'm not losing fast but I'm hoping to keep off what I have lost!

How was your Thanksgiving? What were your challenges? food or people???

I am also learning to "let go"of the junk around me. It is a process...but one worth doing. Cleaning house went well and I was able to get rid of some of the junk I was holding on to.

Getting rid of the junk in life...something to celebrate!

cookies for dinner....

I weighed in last Thursday and was down .5 pounds. A half of a pound is not much but it is a loss and not a gain. I have been retaining some water this week but that's ok it will soon pass.
I made some bad choices on Sunday....for dinner I ate 4 cookies and 2 pieces of toffee, 1/2 slice of cheese and 2 rice crackers. I can't believe I did this. It was all about poor planning. I did not pack any healthy food to take with me for the evening. When I got hungry the only choices were cookies and candy and cheese & crackers at the class I was at. I had 2 cookies, one oatmeal and one chocolate chip with oatmeal and coconut thinking the oatmeal would help fill me up. ?? I also had a 1/2 cup coffee to help. Then I remembered I had an apple in my bag from a couple of days ago. Guess what I did.....I got 2 more cookies and did not eat my apple. I made a bad choice. I even went over my calorie limit for the day. I thought I would eat something healthy when I got home but I wasn't hungry when I got home so I went to bed. About 30 minutes after I ate the cookies I felt really tired and kinda sick. Good news is I didn't beat myself up about it and got right back on track Monday morning. Did I learn something?? yes, cookies are not as satisfying as they appear to be. Will I do it again ? Maybe not eat just cookies for dinner but I'm sure I will eat cookies again!!! biggest lesson....don't forget to plan to bring healthy food with me when I will need to eat. (I do this most of the time now anyway) And eat the healthy food that I bring!!
Wishing you all a healthy week!

Body image...

I found this article about body image that tells all about me and how I feel. I did change a few words around and left some stuff out but you'll get the idea. I have a hard time seeing anything that is good. Even if I see it in a picture, I can't see it in the mirror. I have been trying to work on seeing me....the real me. My husband gets so frustrated with me because he thinks I just don't want to listen to him when he gives me a compliment.....it's not that at all....I want to, I just can't for some reason. I need to believe it for myself.

Here’s a list of indicators that your image may be suffering more than usual (and ways to fix it below that):

1. You notice only negative things in the mirror, car windows, storefront windows, etc. Instead of seeing your positive physical traits, you’re more likely to be found bashing your body, and nitpicking at every nook and cranny.

2. You have a tough time taking compliments. It isn’t that you’re too polite to take a compliment; it’s that you truly believe you don’t deserve them.

3. You rarely think you look good. Even wearing a favorite outfit doesn’t help you to feel good in your skin. You rarely feel beautiful or even pretty.

4. You compare yourself to everyone. For many of us, comparisons are as natural as breathing. But, while you’re comparing your appearance to everyone else’s, you rarely have anything good to say about yourself. It’s always, “her thighs are so much slimmer than mine.” “Her waist is much smaller.”

5. It takes you forever to pick out an outfit — more often than not. Do you have a moment — more like many moments — where you’ve been cooped up in your room, trying on tons of clothes? You can’t see your floor, partially because it’s overflowing with clothing and mainly because your face is filled with tears.

6. You skip events because you don’t think you look good enough.

7. You criticize your body regularly. “My stomach is gross.” “My thighs are enormous!”


5 Solutions to Your Bruised Body Image:

1. Think of the awesome things you can do thanks to your body, whether it’s lifting weights, walking several miles, playing with your child, playing an instrument, riding a bike, dancing, achieving a tough yoga pose or simply wrapping your arms around a loved one.

2. What do you like about yourself, including and beyond your body? Create a list of your positive qualities and achievements, and if you need extra reminding, put the list on a note card where you can see it.

3. Hang out with positive people, who appreciate and support you, who see beyond appearances to who you really are.

4. View exercise as fulfilling, not punishing. Instead of working out to eliminate calories choose ways to stay active that you enjoy and that make you feel strong and good about your body. There are tons of options for leading an active lifestyle: walking, hiking, biking, workout DVDs, gym membership, yoga, Pilates, dancing, tennis. There’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t like the latest workout craze. Pick something that resonates with you.

5. Worrying about your weight and body is exhausting and strips you of valuable time. Consider all the good things you miss out on because you’re too busy criticizing yourself.

Do you think your body image has been bruised?

What things do you do to improve your body image?

If you have any advise that will help I would love to hear it!

No more baggy underwear!!!....

I had a great week overall. I turned around the few bad choices I made and started with a new day and ended up losing 2 pounds this week. I feel good about that. One more pound to get to 55 pounds lost. Five at a time is a fun goal.

I have made some breakthroughs on some of my issues. Ok, the biggest issue is now taken care of.....I have new underwear!!! No, those are not my real underwear in the picture but mine were feeling that big. I have put off buying anything new because partly I didn't want it to mean to me that this is where I am going to stay weight wise....if that make sense. I still want to keep on losing and somehow in my brain, if I buy something new it will somehow signal that this is where I will be staying. I know this is not true and I can no longer bare to wear these baggy undies. I deserve to have new ones that fit...no more baggy underwear....that is my breakthrough!!

Also I am just plain cheap!! and will do without for as long as I can. I have gotten a new belt(thrift store "new" $1.29 black leather DKNY) to hold up all my baggy pants. So the next thing I have decided to do is to alter some of my favorite clothes that I can't bare to part with yet so they will fit and get rid of all the ones that are just plain too big to even alter now. I think this will be good for me and it won't cost any money!!! I am however keeping the biggest pants that I ever wore.

It's a New Day...

This week was ok for me. I ate pretty healthy but, had a few too many calories on most days. I got in some exercise at least 3 days this week. On Wednesday I did 2 hours at class. So for the weekly weigh-in I lost .4 of a pound. Not great but, not bad. I just hope I don't see a gain this week.
Today I did not budget my calories very well and I ended up eating too many again. I made some toffee covered popcorn and drizzled it with dark chocolate.....mistake.....big MISTAKE!!! I can not budget in toffee popcorn for lunch........ it just does not work!! it only makes you more hungry for dinner.
Ok, Monday will soon be here and "It's a new day" and I will make a better choice for lunch tomorrow....(and stay away from the toffee popcorn.)
Wishing everyone healthy choices and smiles!

50 POUNDS LOST!...

I weighed in today not expecting to lose. I had a lot of stress this week and did not work very hard at losing weight. Well, I did it, I lost 1.6 pounds! Not a big loss but, that little loss put me at 50 POUNDS LOST! I can't believe it! My head is spinning and I'm not sure how I feel excited, nervous, scared, unsure....I know this all sounds strange....I should be elated!! and inside I am but, I'm feeling so many other emotions too. I'm 44 years old and haven't been at this weight since I was a freshman in high school. So many things are changing....clothes are not fitting.....I'm not sure what to wear....I'm not sure how I truley look. These are all good things and mean that I am losing weight but, at the same time some of them can be frustrating....like when you think you know what you are going to wear to church and then when you put it on it is too big and now you have no idea what to wear. I have always been used to wearing big baggy things to hide all the rolls and now I'm thinking I can wear more fitted things but I'm not sure how I truly look. Do I look good....or do I look like a fat person squeezing into something small ???? I need to get a grip on my self image!!! Yes, I have been overweight all my life and I'm still overweight but now I am 50 pounds lighter and I am feeling better about myself than I have in a long time and I want to feel like I look good!
Thank you to all of you for the encouragement that I have needed so badly.
Hope you all have a great week

tough week...

I have had a tough week emotionally. My eating seems to be ok and my exercise is ok....neither one has been really great but no big down falls. As a result of that I managed to lose another 2 pounds this last week. Yay, for two more pounds gone! That makes me really close to losing 50 pounds!! one more pound to lose! that's exciting and scary and puts me in a long lost territory. I weigh less now than when I got married 23.5 years ago.
I have been overwhelmed with the amount of things I have to do at this time of year. School is starting and I am once again not organized......feeling alot of pressure from outside influences on this one. Every time I turn around someone is asking me why we haven't started school yet. My kids are all real good readers and do well at math, history, english, science, and......have absolutely no trouble socializing with ALL ages of people they encounter..........dispite popular belief that homeschooled children lack social skills. We are getting started with school this week and of course all the books are REVIEWING what they taught last year....the stuff my kids seem to always remember and are bored with. So, where is the problem??? Ok, enough ranting about people that need to mind their own business!
My husband and I are helping with a ministry class at church that has added 2 evenings a week to our schedule and another 2 evenings a week with a class schedule change. I know it will all work out as we get used to the new schedule but, right now it is hectic, to say the least.
I have been stressing about finances again and that is getting me down.
Not having any time to myself to blog or read blogs.....and this is where my only support is for losing weight! which brings me to another stresser......I need encouragement! I have not been on here enough to blog and give out encouragment so I'm feeling a bit lonely in the "losing weight world". I have chose not to tell people in my family and my friends that I am losing weight because of the frustration it has caused in the past but, now I am feeling a bit regretful on that part right now because I really want some compliments by now. Only ONE person out of all the people that I see each week has said anything about me losing weight and looking good. Ok, I brought this on myself by not letting anyone know and now I have to deal with it.

Hope you are all doing better than me this week.
My goal is to try to get on here at least one more time this week to give out some encouragment to someone!!

Weigh-in Day...

I missed weigh-in last week because I was camping. Today I weighed in and lost 2 pounds. I'm happy for the loss and glad I didn't have a gain after camping last week. This puts me at 47 pounds lost...really close to 50 pounds lost. I think I am in shock of the weight I have lost...it is so strange to think that I have lost 47 pounds, I have never done this well before when I have tried to lose weight. I usually lose a bit, never any more than 20-30 pounds, then gain it all back plus more. I know it's not much compared to some and I still have a lot more to lose but this is still more than I have ever lost in my life. This feel good.

I didn't take very much healthy food with us and just took what we had around the house this time. I did try to be mindful of what I ate but, not always. My husband made eggs and bacon and bagels for breakfast every morning and he cooks with more oil (olive oil) than I do and of course the eggs have to have cheese on them. The bacon we eat is turkey and I did take fat free cream cheese for the bagel. I tried to limit my intake of the food that we did have and enjoy small portions. We ate popcorn and smores every night and played games. We invented and new smore......smoreos...you take a chocolate cream oreo and roast a marshmallow to put in between the cookie halves. (we didn't have the stuff for the original smores but we did have marshmallows and chocolate cream oreos) These are better that the original smores. Calories are high.....100 calories in each smoreo. I had one each night.

I walked every day. One day we were going to go for an evening walk before we roasted our hotdogs so we set out for about a half an hour walk and ended up down a trail that led us to the "big sand dune" that the kids climb every year with my husband. I have never climbed it with them and they wanted to "show" it to me. We got there and this sand dune is huge! it was about a quarter mile up and almost straight up! They all took off climbing! and I was left there standing....looking up. Two of the kids were on all four....hands and feet climbing up to the top. The other one was half way up digging his feet into the sand with every step. My husband looked at me and so what was I to do????? I said "ok, I'll give it a try." It was so steep that I too had to use my hands and feet. Every step I took I slid back down where I started. I had to take three or four steps to even make any progress, the sand would just move down and out from under me. I had to stop about four times on the way up and catch my breath. This was more hard work than I have ever done in my life I think. I finally made it to the top...it was beautiful...you could see for miles of the beach and sand dunes. At the top was a ridge you could walk on that was about four feet wide. We walked along that for awhile and then back to where we had climbed up. When we had got to the top my pedometer read .5 of a mile. Now I had to go back down.......without falling flat on my face and rolling into a huge sand ball at the bottom. I made it down slowly by digging in my heals on the way down. Then they took me on another trail to get back to the campsight. It was dark by the time we got back. It as a huge challenge and I was glad I tried it in the end. I'm not sure about trying it again though......I'll have to think about that one. If you are interested I wrote about the "sand dune hike" last year when we went camping and it did not turn out the same. This was a big deal to me and even though I didn't go on the whole hike I did climb the HUGE DUNE! Maybe next year I can do the whole hike!

I also did another thing I have never done before in my life while I was camping......I jogged for 20 minutes around the camp ground. I am not a jogger....I do love to walk though. I do not know what got into me, I just felt like jogging with the dog. I felt pretty good about that too. My daughter went with me and she thought it was so fun. I went slow but I did it and I think it was about 3/4 of a mile.

What new challenges have you tried lately?? I would love to hear about them.

I have been getting a lot of migraines this month and I think it is because I have been so busy and not getting enough sleep. So I better get off here and get to bed for the night.
Hope everyone is doing well.

Blackberry waffle & weigh-in...what a combination

Today is weigh-in day for me. I lost 3 pounds this week. This is a far better weigh-in than last week! I was hoping it would go down this week I had worked so hard at making healthy choices I couldn't bare to see another gain. I didn't work as hard this week but, I did stay on track with eating and exercise.

I got to add a new badge to my blog again......45 pounds lost! All the little 5 pound goals are adding up. I am a slow loser but I feel good about losing and getting healthy even if it is at a slow pace.

Very nervous about tomorrow! I have a new test coming up tomorrow night...I have been training hard and hopefully it will pay off. We'll see. God's strength is what I need.

I had a wonderful breakfast this morning.....waffle with blackberries and vanilla yogurt it was so yummy!! Just wanted to share that with you.

busy, busy week....

I had a busy week this week. It had a lot of pro and cons to go with it. I did work out much more that usual....a pro. I am sooooo tired.....a con. I did eat very healthy and drink my water....a pro. I weighed yesterday and I gained .6 lb......a con. I do believe it is not going to stick around though.....a pro. I was upset for a bout 2 hours after I saw the gain on the scale. Matter of fact I was mad! I had worked so hard this week and what do I get for it ??......a gain! But then I was ready to move on and face the day and continue to eat healthy and take care of myself.
I am so sore this week. I have been working out extra time trying to get ready for another test next week...praying it will go good. I agonized over it for so long before I decided I was ready to do it, now the time is here and I have to be ready next friday.
I spent most of the week volunteering at day camp where my kids were. Two of them were working and one was attending. I painted faces for 8 hours on Thursday.
Take care everyone and be healthy!

Who am I ?

Wow, it has been another week since I have posted.
I survived the pizza, popcorn, and ice cream movie night. Then the next night I went to an unexpected birthday BBQ. I did ok there, I had a taste of what I wanted and did not over indulge. I had a hamburger with veggies and no mayo but, I did not finish it. I did have a few french fries....fried in oil ! They didn't have much flavor though and weren't really worth it. As a matter of fact I threw away my ice cream sunday! I cannot believe I did that without struggling at all. I just thought "this doesn't really even taste very good......so why am I eating it?" So in the trash can it went without hesitation. That in itself is a major accomplishment for me. I used to always eat things just because it was there and something to do or because someone gave it to me. Not any more...oh, and yesterday I passed up brownies that were offered to me two different times. They smelled delicious but, I just didn't feel like having one. I did grab an iced green tea instead and drank half of it. I don't even know myself anymore I am doing strange things.
I weighed in today and lost 2 pounds this week. I spent a good deal of time thinking about my weight today because I just could not remember what the scale said. Every time I was going to recall the number in my head I transposed the last two numbers. It seemed as if it should have been the bigger number for some reason.....like I was fooling myself into thinking I weighed a smaller amount. After all, I have not been this low since 1986 and so I have been accustom to thinking in the higher numbers for quite some time now. This is the most weight I have lost and been successful at doing it.
Things are changing and I'm moving in a forward motion.
Hope everyone is doing good this week. :)

Pizza, popcorn, ice cream...oh, my!

Making healthy choices today...so far! I'm not sure about tonight....we are going to have a movie night with pizza, popcorn, and ice cream. I better start cutting up some carrots and cucumbers right now so I am prepared for the snack time. I'm fine with the pizza in moderation. I have never stopped eating pizza, I just limit myself now to no more than 2 pieces and not too often.

Pizza happens especially when you have kids!

I just posted a couple of new progress pictures. I thought it was about time for a new one. I don't see too much difference from the last one and that is why I have been putting it off but, I do want to keep a record of where I've been. I do see a difference between now and the beginning picture though.

Keep on moving in a forward motion!

Weigh-in day...

I stayed the same this week. I think I have to say this is a good thing this week for me. I have not worked very hard to loose weight although I have kept count of my calories and have done pretty good but, I did not get in the exercise that I needed to go with it to loose any weight.

I did not eat well today. I started out the day bad by skipping breakfast and then eating lunch quickly on my way to visit my friend that has cancer. While I was there I didn't eat a thing, I did have 2 glasses of water though. I stayed for 5 hours visiting. I wasn't feeling hungry while I was there but, when I got home I was really hungry! I ate a banana hoping that would do the trick till I could fix dinner. Well, I was way over hungry so then I got out the hummus and baked wheat chip crackers and had a few and a few more and then just a few more. I was not feeling hungry anymore at this point but keep in mind I was also fixing dinner at this time. When dinner was finished cooking I ate a big dinner and felt stuffed and had a stomach ache afterward. Then I ate a small bit of ice cream with my husband....big mistake.....I feel miserable and sick. Why did I do this to myself? I deserve to be treated much better than this! I can't even go to bed I feel so bad.
I'm learning to take take of me and I did not take good care of me today.
Tomorrow I will treat myself better and make healthy choices.....I deserve it!

I hope everyone is doing good this week and remember....keep on moving in a forward motion!

Poise, do you have what it takes...

What does Poise mean to you? What do you think of when you hear the word Poise? Do you think of sophistication, nose in the air....finishing school. The first thing I thought of was how you hold yourself and how you conduct yourself. I had a bad morning at class when I was asked what I think of when I hear of the word Poise and the first thing that I thought of was how I kept on going without breaking down when I forgot most of what I was asked to do that morning. I could have crumbled and beat myself up for forgetting all the things I have been working on but, I didn't I just said "ok, I blew it big time but now I have to move on and try harder". The other woman in my class was huffing and grunting every time she messed up and throwing her hands down and being frustrated and everyone could tell. We both had forgotten a lot of what we had already learned but how we handled ourselves was what we were really being tested on. How we responded in a crisis....could we keep it together or would we fall apart and give up?? Did we have poise?

Poise can be defined as being true to oneself, not getting rattled, thrown off, or unbalanced regardless of the circumstance or situation. This may sound easy, but in challenging times Poise can be a most elusive quality. Those lacking Poise panic under pressure.

Poise means holding fast to your principles and acting in accordance with them regardless of how bad or good the situation may be. Poise means avoiding pose or pretense, avoid comparing yourself to others, or acting like someone or something you're not.
Poise means having a brave heart in all circumstances.

That's Poise: not being thrown off stride in how you behave or what you believe regardless of what is happening around you.

Where there is Poise, there is also confidence right by it's side.

Now, there are many things that can make up Poise... a graceful and elegant bearing in a person, composure and dignity of manner, balance of oneself

I struggled with Poise today. I had to show in class today and that is one of my least favorite things to do. I am not competitive at all nor do I enjoy being in front of a group of people watching me. I really lack confidence in this area. I have come along way but, I have so far to go! I also struggled with composure through out the day when things came up that were different from what I expected or had been changed.

Do you have Poise. Do you handle yourself in a graceful and elegant manner with composure at all times, or do you loose your temper and fall of the wagon everytime you mess up a bit or temptation takes over for a meal of two.Do you throw in the towel just because you don't loose any weight for the week or you have a gain. Do you compare yourself to others that are doing well and feel you never measure up.

Poise is a key to success!! You have to lift your head and keep on moving in a forward motion without being derailed.

Remember....keep on moving in a forward motion...you can do this!

Thank you for the blog award!...

I missed last weeks weigh-in because I was gone camping. I will weigh-in on this week.....I'm guessing I didn't loose but I don't think it will be a big gain, maybe stay the same?...I just haven't worked very hard at exercise this week. I did go on a lot of walks when we were camping but I have not gotten in a good work out every day this week. I have been watching my calories and most days I have been on target.... a few days I was over my budget.

Thank you goes to Shmologna @ http://thebigsister80.blogspot.com/for the great blog award!

Remember.... keep on moving in a forward motion!

Have a great week!

Feeling good about myself...

This week I lost 2.6 pounds which allowed me to mark off some of my goals. I got to check off "lost 40 pounds", "lost 15% of my weight", "feeling good about myself". I also got to add a new HYC badge to my blog and another healthy heart to my collection. This is a lot of things to feel good about but, most of all I think I feel the best about not giving up!! I have faced many challenges in the last year and a half and many of them could have made me throw in the towel but, I am not giving up on me. I deserve to be healthy and strong. I am worth it! Most of the time I feel like I am barely hanging in there and struggling with loosing weight but, loosing weight is not the only way to feel good about yourself. There are many weeks that I don't have a loss but I try to keep on looking forward and moving on in a healthy direction trying to be positive about myself in all areas. I am working on physical and mental goals as well in a class 2-3 times a week. It has been a major struggle for me but I am doing it and not giving up!! (another test coming up on Sept. 11) I was not sure I could do this next test last week but now I have decided I am moving forward and going to do my best!

Hope everyone is having a great week and looking forward! :)
What do you feel good about this week??

Weigh-in Day...

I weighed in yesterday. Ok...I have to say it.....I gained this week. I gained .8 of a pound. Ok now I said it and now I can move on. Yesterday I fretted about it and then overate....and it wasn't even a big gain! I usually give myself a day to eat whatever I want or have been craving through the week and that day is weigh-in day. I've noticed that if I loose any amount it motivates me to eat healthy even if I eat a bit more than I do during the week. But yesterday I didn't do well. I ate a big breakfast and then a big dinner and ice cream after that. I did have a healthy lunch though.
So, today is a new day and I am looking ahead and not back.....I can make it a healthy day today!
Off I go to take my daughter shopping today so she can spend her birthday money....and I already have a healthy plan for lunch!!
Hope everyone is doing good and can find their "Mo-Mo!"
This is going to be my goal for the week to focus on my Mo-Mo. Check it out!!

Every little bite counts...

The pot luck BBQ went well!! I made good healthy food choices and kept myself busy painting faces. The next day was my daughters birthday and I made some not so good choices for a few days last week. But over all I still had a loss of .2 pounds for the week. Not a good loss but never the less a loss and not a gain.
I have been trying to keep track of all the food I eat as recommended by Mama Bear June. This is so hard sometimes!!! How do you calculate a" bite" of something??? Anyway I am working on getting it down. I have been doing more activities too. Swimming feels so good on these hot days. I have to have the fan on in the house though when I try to do any kind of work out.....I get so hot!
One thing I really need to work on is getting enough SLEEP! I have read that lack of sleep is not good for loosing weight.
So off to bed I go.
Hope everyone is doing good this week!!

making good choices....

Today is looking good! Hot though! I need my water again.....the weather helps me remember.
Hope you are all doing good this week. I'm off to a potluck BBQ tonight.....planning on making good choices!
Have a great weekend!

Another week gone by....

The summer is going by so quick! Today is HOT! give me water!!!
I'm in shock today.....The scale said I lost 4.8 pounds this week!!! That is huge for me....I never loose that much!!
So how did this happen this week? Well, first of all, at least 2 of those pounds were the ones I gained last week.
Now for things I did different this week.....I did try to track my food a bit closer. I am using an application on my iPod touch to try to track everything. Sometimes it takes so much time though to get the calorie count looked up on each and every food. The other thing I did was I got in more exercise this week. And with the weather being so hot I am really trying to eat light so I don't get too sick with the heat. I did feel sick for a day and a half last weekend and barely ate but I figured that the weight that I might have lost then would come right back as soon as I started eating again the next day. Who knows it may have helped me loose this week but I can't get sick every weekend just to loose.
No matter what it was that worked......it feels good to have a big loss!

I have been thinking of doing a "give away" for all of you out there. Can anyone give me some tips on how to go about this. I have a few ideas but I've never entered one before. I have come across some interesting things and just want to share. Let me know if you have all the ins and outs of these "give aways"

Weigh-in Day...

Weighed in last thursday and was up 2 pounds this week. A bit disappointed but, I can think of various reasons why it would be up.......not going to focus on them though.......I just want to move on. What I really want to do is to move on down to the next lower set of numbers on the scale......I'm so tired of being here.....I feel stuck. Not sure what I need to do but reading a lot and getting a lot if inspiration from other blogs not to give up.
My eating, although not perfect, is not too bad most of the time but, I think I can improve on my activity. I worked out for 2 hours today and plan to go to class tomorrow and Wednesday too. I have been swimming on hot days with my kids that was my plan to beat the heat and still get in some exercise. Hoping for a better week. :)

Strange day....

Today was a strange day. My daughter was up sick last night most of the night so I didn't get much sleep and I was sooooo tired today. I laid on the couch with her most of the day watching movies and eating things I wouldn't normally be eating any more ......since I have started to live a healthier life that is.
By about 2:00pm I realized I had eaten all my calories for the day (plus some probably) and I still wanted something more to munch on. Ok....I had a bagel with sausage and an egg white on it for breakfast and 1/2 cup orange juice.....I did try to start out good this morning. Then I had the cream cheese danish with my coffee. I had a hotdog for lunch and I ate chips and mango salsa with it (and cream cheese under the salsa)....oh this is looking really bad!!!! Then I ate 2 cookie bars and I found myself going in the kitchen looking for that "just right something to munch on" that doesn't really exist, you know the snack that you just keep searching for by eating everything you can find to satisfy the craving that just never ends. I felt myself wanting something salty this time and realized that I was doing the sweet salty thing today as well as just not eating healthy at all. I also was munching on cherries every time I opened the fridge. I don't know why I just didn't get a cup of them and munch on those instead of cookie bars. !?! Ok....are you ready....here is the strange part......I grabbed my water bottle and filled it with ice water and started sucking on it. It felt good to be drinking water after all the junk I had eaten. Then I got off the couch and laid the floor. Weird huh??? And you will never believe what I did next.....I started to exercise. I was doing leg lifts and crunches then I saw my weights and started using them for my arms.........before I knew it an hour had passed!! I got up and filled my water bottle again and felt pretty good......a little sore but, good.
After all that I went in to take a shower and guess what I realized.....I did all that without forcing myself or giving it any thought...it was fun and just what I felt like doing. Strange, I know! I would have never done that in the past....you would have had to force me to have water instead if a snack!! And exercise when I'm watching a movie....are you crazy....I might miss something!!
Then I had a salad for dinner and it was really good. I did want to have a few pieces of chocolate but I resisted mostly, I did have one little bit of dark chocolate then I finished my water.
I started the day good.....got in a bad rut by the middle of the day and by the end I had gotten myself back out.....amazing!
After my shower I stared going though a pile of clothes trying them on and seeing that most of them are too big for me now. What a great feeling.
I learned a couple of things about myself today....lack of sleep, feeling blah, and tv/movies are bad food triggers for me. I hope to catch this next time before things get outta hand.
Speaking of lack of sleep....I'm up too late.....again!
I had a good 4th of July and hope you all did too!

Warning....

! Warning ! Do Not Go To COSTCO this week!!
I stopped by there this morning and they are having a huge "4th of July" sample extravaganza. They are offering over 15 different samples of yummy food! after going through that I decided that would be my lunch. I have no idea how many calories are in each sample but I was full by the end of it and then got a cup of coffee to go. They did have some healthy things like green salad with balsamic vinegar, veggie burgers, vitamin water, and some not so healthy ones like ice cream with chocolate sauce and trail mix on top, chicken wings in 3 different flavors, potato salad, chocolate covered almonds. Wow, there were so many things to try and yes, I tried them all.
I had a loss for the week.....it was only .4 of a pound but it was a loss. It may have been more if I hadn't have gone to Olive Garden last night......who knows?? I do need to bump up my activity level for the summer though, it is hard to work out in the heat!.....I will be working on this.

plan ahead...

I got up this morning thinking I was not going to work out this morning because I had about 4 hours of sleep last night. Well, I took my shower and had a cup of strong coffee and decided to go. I did get a workout in and learned some new things today but I was in a slow motion bubble this morning because of the antihistamine I took last night hoping it would help me to breath today. I could not focus all morning and now here I am up late again.....this is not a good cycle. I did breath easier today but I don't know if it was worth trading my brain in.
Today was my hubby's birthday. We took him out to eat at Olive garden. I tried to research their nutritional info ahead of time so I could make a wise choice for dinner. I chose the stuffed chicken marsala because I thought that I read that it was the lowest in calories and fat. It was high on the sodium though....it really tasted salty. I ate a good portion of salad with about 1 teaspoon of dressing it was good and I could not pass up the breadsticks, I ate 2. I had a plan to eat healthy and I think I did about half way....not as good as I had planned in my head. I did bring more that half home because I got filled with salad.
Oh boy........it is late and I have the munchies....just ate half of a cookie and some crackers with artichoke dip on them. yum, yum.....I better go to bed before this gets outta hand!

It's summer....

The weather is warm and I am miserable. My allergies are so bad this year. Today I could not breath I used my inhaler as much as I possibly could just to breath.....inside the house even. I feel a bit better tonight. I'm hoping I can get to class to work out tomorrow. I went on Monday and found out that they have canceled the second class that I like to do back to back with my first one, so now I will have to find another time or have less classes to attend. The most activity I got today was taking a nap and then tonight I played Guitar Hero with the boys and Hubby. I read a lot of blogs this morning and was very inspired by them....I miss having the time to get on here and read what people are up to.
Well, for my weight I am up .6 lb since I was on last. I am still trying to eat healthy and made it through a family BBQ Sunday without get into the chips. I made a grilled chicken sanwich....no mayo or dressing....lots of lettuce, tomatoe, and red onion though. I had a green salad with a small amount of raspberry dressing. I did try the potato salad made with reduced fat mayo....it was ok....but I would have seasoned it up with garlic and onion powder and some pepper. I had a piece of cake too. I scraped all the frosting off of it and ate about 3/4 of the piece. Drank lots of water too......no pop....I'm not a pop drinker. Oh and I snacked on some cucumber slices. Over all I ate pretty good and felt good about the choices I made when faced with all the junk food that was there.
Hope everyone is doing good this week...it looked like it this morning when I was reading....keep it up!!

Weigh-in Day...

I had a great week this week.
First off I have to tell you I lost 2.2 pounds. I am so happy to share this because I had lost it a couple of weeks ago and then gained it back because of stressful times in my life. I can now feel good again about having my "35 pounds gone" badge.
I still have some stress but I am dealing with it better than ever before! I am trying to take care of me in all this mess. I ate well this week even though we went camping I did try to not pig out on junk food. I walked a lot when I was there and had a great time over all.
My mom is back in the hospital, oh wait, not now she was moved today......let me change that......she is now over in a nursing home for a couple of weeks this time till they can figure out if she is strong enough from her heart attack to withstand a back surgery. Crazy....no one seems to know any details and I am just staying out of it as much as I can to keep my sanity. Don't get me wrong...I love my mom and my family and I would be the first one down there finding out information and getting things done right for her but, you have to understand that's not what she wants....she loves the sympathy and attention so I back off and join the never ending circle of catch 22s.....if I do this, I'm wrong......if I don't do that, I'm wrong! So I am trying to keep my distance to take care of myself. I hope this doesn't sound too harsh.
More news...my friend with cancer is doing well. She has gotten herself a couple of really cute wigs and is moving on with life and dealing with things as they come....I'm so proud of her and how she is handling everything.
I have been real busy working out this week....we have a test tomorrow. I have been working hard at everything on it and I think I will be able to do it all and pass with good scores. I'm so excited that my friend is moving up to my class next week too. I think we will have a good summer working out together. Well, I better get off to bed to rest up for tomorrow's test. Wish me luck! :)

Weigh-in Day...

I did weigh in on thursday but didn't have time to post. I'm sitting up in the middle of the night because My sister just called me to tell me that my mom is back in the hospital sooooo.......I thought I would at least post my weight-in.
I lost .8 of a pound. A loss is a loss. I had hoped for more but I can see where I could improve to get better results.
Ok....off to bed now I can't think straight.

Things are looking brighter.....

First of all I have to thank you all for all of your prayers and concern it really means a lot to me.
The day before I last posted I had just got a call from my best friend telling me she has 3rd stage breast cancer. I was in shock and really could not think straight for a week. She was just told a few weeks earlier that every thing was fine and she only had fluid filled cysts. Then the doctor calls her out of the blue and tells her they were wrong and she has 3rd stage cancer. How can this be??? She is taking it very well and is well on her way to treatment. She has had several procedures done already and has already had her first dose of chemotherapy in just these two weeks since she found out. I got a call from my doctor saying I missed my suggested mammogram recheck 6 months ago.....thats nice to hear.....I wish they would have let me know I was suppose to go in at 6 months.....I scheduled it for 1 year like they told me to. Now I am stressing out about missing my check up and wondering what they are going to tell me when I go in. I have to call tomorrow to get an appointment.
Last week I found out my Mother was in the hospital........guess how I found out......her neighbor called me to say she thought I might want to know that she was in the hospital. What kind of family does that??? No one called me......they said it was no big deal and they were just running tests on her and didn't know what was wrong with her but, still I would have liked to know that she was there in the first place....I guess that would be too logical for my family. They are not capable of thinking the obvious.(or maybe even thinking at all)
Ok..... enough ranting.
Good things that have happened since I last posted......I got my bike out a couple of weeks ago and have been riding around the driveway. One day I rode 2 miles (50 laps around the drive way...I clocked it on my car once for fun with my kids). Mostly I have been helping my daughter to learn how to ride her bike though and not getting in the riding time I had hoped for. I'm hoping she will start riding with me sooooooon!!!! I have been going to workout on Mon. and Wed. and last week I went, for a third time that week, to thursday morning class with another lady from my class. The instructor/owner even asked me.....me, like I am good enough...to teach a few moves to a young guy that was there. I couldn't believe it! We are coming up for another test real soon here too. This term has been so full of new stuff and not a lot of time to practice. I'm sure it will go just fine though. I can't get too nervous about it, I just have to do my best. I have been choosing fruit for snacking and eating more veggies with dinner. The scales have not showed anything good....I have gained 3 pounds over the last 3 weeks ( and that means I don't really deserve to have the badge that I have posted right now).
Oh...I have to tell you this....it is not good but weird....one day last week I woke up with these huge water pockets on my eyelids I could barely see......it was the strangest thing!!!! One day I wake up all puffy and the next day I'm not....I can't figure this out...even when I am drinking my water I struggle with this.

Struggling.....

I haven't had a very good week this week. Lots going on....some really bad news.....emotional. Not much sleep. Not drinking my water and just mindless eating....when I do eat. Hanging in there!!!!!

Weigh-in Day...

Woo Hoo....I got to add a new badge today!!!! I made it to 35 pounds lost (actually 36 as of today). I lost 2.8 pounds this week and feeling really good about it! I just realized that I am half way to my first big goal too.

As I posting this wonderful news of the week I am listening to a song and I have to post the lyrics...they are so fitting to my day.

This is my brand new day in the light
Trouble rising up on the left and the right
I keep my eyes fixed on where I want to go
The rest will follow this is my prayer without ceasing

The rocks of life won’t pull me down, rising above the storms of life
To live and love

This is my brand new day starting now
Letting go of the ways that I fall down
The old can be made new
And as I rise above my burden is easing

Just wanted to share that with you....it is so true....if we just would focus on where we want to go and not worry all the storms of life that come and go and learn to let go of those things and move on.

Anyway I am so happy. I thought I was going to have to do a bit of confessing today and tell you what I did last night, the night before weigh-in. I just knew I was going to have a gain. Ok....I'll confess anyway. I went to Baskin Robbins at 9:00pm for ice cream (after I went to Starbucks with my husband too). Not just a scoop of ice cream.......I had THREE scoops of ice cream!!!! I can't believe I am telling everyone this. Well, they had a sale yesterday....1 scoop for .31 cents, limit 3 scoops per person. So I got 3 scoops....good thing they had a limit who knows what I would have done. :) We never go out for ice cream because of the cost for 5 people, you might as well get a half gallon at the grocery store and take it home and dish it up......and we do this every Friday......but we never go out for ice cream. So I let all the kids get the limit too.....they were so thrilled they got to choose 3 different flavors and all the ones that we never buy...It was so much fun! I was ready and willing to take the punishment of a gain even though I had worked so hard the rest of the week....I really had to think about it and decide if it was worth it because I really wanted that 35 pounds lost badge. Well, I had a great time with my family and it was worth it just for that and I thank God that I still had a loss for the week!

Hope everyone is doing good this week. I better get going to visit my friend today.