50 POUNDS LOST!...

I weighed in today not expecting to lose. I had a lot of stress this week and did not work very hard at losing weight. Well, I did it, I lost 1.6 pounds! Not a big loss but, that little loss put me at 50 POUNDS LOST! I can't believe it! My head is spinning and I'm not sure how I feel excited, nervous, scared, unsure....I know this all sounds strange....I should be elated!! and inside I am but, I'm feeling so many other emotions too. I'm 44 years old and haven't been at this weight since I was a freshman in high school. So many things are changing....clothes are not fitting.....I'm not sure what to wear....I'm not sure how I truley look. These are all good things and mean that I am losing weight but, at the same time some of them can be frustrating....like when you think you know what you are going to wear to church and then when you put it on it is too big and now you have no idea what to wear. I have always been used to wearing big baggy things to hide all the rolls and now I'm thinking I can wear more fitted things but I'm not sure how I truly look. Do I look good....or do I look like a fat person squeezing into something small ???? I need to get a grip on my self image!!! Yes, I have been overweight all my life and I'm still overweight but now I am 50 pounds lighter and I am feeling better about myself than I have in a long time and I want to feel like I look good!
Thank you to all of you for the encouragement that I have needed so badly.
Hope you all have a great week

tough week...

I have had a tough week emotionally. My eating seems to be ok and my exercise is ok....neither one has been really great but no big down falls. As a result of that I managed to lose another 2 pounds this last week. Yay, for two more pounds gone! That makes me really close to losing 50 pounds!! one more pound to lose! that's exciting and scary and puts me in a long lost territory. I weigh less now than when I got married 23.5 years ago.
I have been overwhelmed with the amount of things I have to do at this time of year. School is starting and I am once again not organized......feeling alot of pressure from outside influences on this one. Every time I turn around someone is asking me why we haven't started school yet. My kids are all real good readers and do well at math, history, english, science, and......have absolutely no trouble socializing with ALL ages of people they encounter..........dispite popular belief that homeschooled children lack social skills. We are getting started with school this week and of course all the books are REVIEWING what they taught last year....the stuff my kids seem to always remember and are bored with. So, where is the problem??? Ok, enough ranting about people that need to mind their own business!
My husband and I are helping with a ministry class at church that has added 2 evenings a week to our schedule and another 2 evenings a week with a class schedule change. I know it will all work out as we get used to the new schedule but, right now it is hectic, to say the least.
I have been stressing about finances again and that is getting me down.
Not having any time to myself to blog or read blogs.....and this is where my only support is for losing weight! which brings me to another stresser......I need encouragement! I have not been on here enough to blog and give out encouragment so I'm feeling a bit lonely in the "losing weight world". I have chose not to tell people in my family and my friends that I am losing weight because of the frustration it has caused in the past but, now I am feeling a bit regretful on that part right now because I really want some compliments by now. Only ONE person out of all the people that I see each week has said anything about me losing weight and looking good. Ok, I brought this on myself by not letting anyone know and now I have to deal with it.

Hope you are all doing better than me this week.
My goal is to try to get on here at least one more time this week to give out some encouragment to someone!!

Weigh-in Day...

I missed weigh-in last week because I was camping. Today I weighed in and lost 2 pounds. I'm happy for the loss and glad I didn't have a gain after camping last week. This puts me at 47 pounds lost...really close to 50 pounds lost. I think I am in shock of the weight I have lost...it is so strange to think that I have lost 47 pounds, I have never done this well before when I have tried to lose weight. I usually lose a bit, never any more than 20-30 pounds, then gain it all back plus more. I know it's not much compared to some and I still have a lot more to lose but this is still more than I have ever lost in my life. This feel good.

I didn't take very much healthy food with us and just took what we had around the house this time. I did try to be mindful of what I ate but, not always. My husband made eggs and bacon and bagels for breakfast every morning and he cooks with more oil (olive oil) than I do and of course the eggs have to have cheese on them. The bacon we eat is turkey and I did take fat free cream cheese for the bagel. I tried to limit my intake of the food that we did have and enjoy small portions. We ate popcorn and smores every night and played games. We invented and new smore......smoreos...you take a chocolate cream oreo and roast a marshmallow to put in between the cookie halves. (we didn't have the stuff for the original smores but we did have marshmallows and chocolate cream oreos) These are better that the original smores. Calories are high.....100 calories in each smoreo. I had one each night.

I walked every day. One day we were going to go for an evening walk before we roasted our hotdogs so we set out for about a half an hour walk and ended up down a trail that led us to the "big sand dune" that the kids climb every year with my husband. I have never climbed it with them and they wanted to "show" it to me. We got there and this sand dune is huge! it was about a quarter mile up and almost straight up! They all took off climbing! and I was left there standing....looking up. Two of the kids were on all four....hands and feet climbing up to the top. The other one was half way up digging his feet into the sand with every step. My husband looked at me and so what was I to do????? I said "ok, I'll give it a try." It was so steep that I too had to use my hands and feet. Every step I took I slid back down where I started. I had to take three or four steps to even make any progress, the sand would just move down and out from under me. I had to stop about four times on the way up and catch my breath. This was more hard work than I have ever done in my life I think. I finally made it to the top...it was beautiful...you could see for miles of the beach and sand dunes. At the top was a ridge you could walk on that was about four feet wide. We walked along that for awhile and then back to where we had climbed up. When we had got to the top my pedometer read .5 of a mile. Now I had to go back down.......without falling flat on my face and rolling into a huge sand ball at the bottom. I made it down slowly by digging in my heals on the way down. Then they took me on another trail to get back to the campsight. It was dark by the time we got back. It as a huge challenge and I was glad I tried it in the end. I'm not sure about trying it again though......I'll have to think about that one. If you are interested I wrote about the "sand dune hike" last year when we went camping and it did not turn out the same. This was a big deal to me and even though I didn't go on the whole hike I did climb the HUGE DUNE! Maybe next year I can do the whole hike!

I also did another thing I have never done before in my life while I was camping......I jogged for 20 minutes around the camp ground. I am not a jogger....I do love to walk though. I do not know what got into me, I just felt like jogging with the dog. I felt pretty good about that too. My daughter went with me and she thought it was so fun. I went slow but I did it and I think it was about 3/4 of a mile.

What new challenges have you tried lately?? I would love to hear about them.

I have been getting a lot of migraines this month and I think it is because I have been so busy and not getting enough sleep. So I better get off here and get to bed for the night.
Hope everyone is doing well.

Blackberry waffle & weigh-in...what a combination

Today is weigh-in day for me. I lost 3 pounds this week. This is a far better weigh-in than last week! I was hoping it would go down this week I had worked so hard at making healthy choices I couldn't bare to see another gain. I didn't work as hard this week but, I did stay on track with eating and exercise.

I got to add a new badge to my blog again......45 pounds lost! All the little 5 pound goals are adding up. I am a slow loser but I feel good about losing and getting healthy even if it is at a slow pace.

Very nervous about tomorrow! I have a new test coming up tomorrow night...I have been training hard and hopefully it will pay off. We'll see. God's strength is what I need.

I had a wonderful breakfast this morning.....waffle with blackberries and vanilla yogurt it was so yummy!! Just wanted to share that with you.

busy, busy week....

I had a busy week this week. It had a lot of pro and cons to go with it. I did work out much more that usual....a pro. I am sooooo tired.....a con. I did eat very healthy and drink my water....a pro. I weighed yesterday and I gained .6 lb......a con. I do believe it is not going to stick around though.....a pro. I was upset for a bout 2 hours after I saw the gain on the scale. Matter of fact I was mad! I had worked so hard this week and what do I get for it ??......a gain! But then I was ready to move on and face the day and continue to eat healthy and take care of myself.
I am so sore this week. I have been working out extra time trying to get ready for another test next week...praying it will go good. I agonized over it for so long before I decided I was ready to do it, now the time is here and I have to be ready next friday.
I spent most of the week volunteering at day camp where my kids were. Two of them were working and one was attending. I painted faces for 8 hours on Thursday.
Take care everyone and be healthy!

Who am I ?

Wow, it has been another week since I have posted.
I survived the pizza, popcorn, and ice cream movie night. Then the next night I went to an unexpected birthday BBQ. I did ok there, I had a taste of what I wanted and did not over indulge. I had a hamburger with veggies and no mayo but, I did not finish it. I did have a few french fries....fried in oil ! They didn't have much flavor though and weren't really worth it. As a matter of fact I threw away my ice cream sunday! I cannot believe I did that without struggling at all. I just thought "this doesn't really even taste very good......so why am I eating it?" So in the trash can it went without hesitation. That in itself is a major accomplishment for me. I used to always eat things just because it was there and something to do or because someone gave it to me. Not any more...oh, and yesterday I passed up brownies that were offered to me two different times. They smelled delicious but, I just didn't feel like having one. I did grab an iced green tea instead and drank half of it. I don't even know myself anymore I am doing strange things.
I weighed in today and lost 2 pounds this week. I spent a good deal of time thinking about my weight today because I just could not remember what the scale said. Every time I was going to recall the number in my head I transposed the last two numbers. It seemed as if it should have been the bigger number for some reason.....like I was fooling myself into thinking I weighed a smaller amount. After all, I have not been this low since 1986 and so I have been accustom to thinking in the higher numbers for quite some time now. This is the most weight I have lost and been successful at doing it.
Things are changing and I'm moving in a forward motion.
Hope everyone is doing good this week. :)

Pizza, popcorn, ice cream...oh, my!

Making healthy choices today...so far! I'm not sure about tonight....we are going to have a movie night with pizza, popcorn, and ice cream. I better start cutting up some carrots and cucumbers right now so I am prepared for the snack time. I'm fine with the pizza in moderation. I have never stopped eating pizza, I just limit myself now to no more than 2 pieces and not too often.

Pizza happens especially when you have kids!

I just posted a couple of new progress pictures. I thought it was about time for a new one. I don't see too much difference from the last one and that is why I have been putting it off but, I do want to keep a record of where I've been. I do see a difference between now and the beginning picture though.

Keep on moving in a forward motion!

Weigh-in day...

I stayed the same this week. I think I have to say this is a good thing this week for me. I have not worked very hard to loose weight although I have kept count of my calories and have done pretty good but, I did not get in the exercise that I needed to go with it to loose any weight.

I did not eat well today. I started out the day bad by skipping breakfast and then eating lunch quickly on my way to visit my friend that has cancer. While I was there I didn't eat a thing, I did have 2 glasses of water though. I stayed for 5 hours visiting. I wasn't feeling hungry while I was there but, when I got home I was really hungry! I ate a banana hoping that would do the trick till I could fix dinner. Well, I was way over hungry so then I got out the hummus and baked wheat chip crackers and had a few and a few more and then just a few more. I was not feeling hungry anymore at this point but keep in mind I was also fixing dinner at this time. When dinner was finished cooking I ate a big dinner and felt stuffed and had a stomach ache afterward. Then I ate a small bit of ice cream with my husband....big mistake.....I feel miserable and sick. Why did I do this to myself? I deserve to be treated much better than this! I can't even go to bed I feel so bad.
I'm learning to take take of me and I did not take good care of me today.
Tomorrow I will treat myself better and make healthy choices.....I deserve it!

I hope everyone is doing good this week and remember....keep on moving in a forward motion!

Poise, do you have what it takes...

What does Poise mean to you? What do you think of when you hear the word Poise? Do you think of sophistication, nose in the air....finishing school. The first thing I thought of was how you hold yourself and how you conduct yourself. I had a bad morning at class when I was asked what I think of when I hear of the word Poise and the first thing that I thought of was how I kept on going without breaking down when I forgot most of what I was asked to do that morning. I could have crumbled and beat myself up for forgetting all the things I have been working on but, I didn't I just said "ok, I blew it big time but now I have to move on and try harder". The other woman in my class was huffing and grunting every time she messed up and throwing her hands down and being frustrated and everyone could tell. We both had forgotten a lot of what we had already learned but how we handled ourselves was what we were really being tested on. How we responded in a crisis....could we keep it together or would we fall apart and give up?? Did we have poise?

Poise can be defined as being true to oneself, not getting rattled, thrown off, or unbalanced regardless of the circumstance or situation. This may sound easy, but in challenging times Poise can be a most elusive quality. Those lacking Poise panic under pressure.

Poise means holding fast to your principles and acting in accordance with them regardless of how bad or good the situation may be. Poise means avoiding pose or pretense, avoid comparing yourself to others, or acting like someone or something you're not.
Poise means having a brave heart in all circumstances.

That's Poise: not being thrown off stride in how you behave or what you believe regardless of what is happening around you.

Where there is Poise, there is also confidence right by it's side.

Now, there are many things that can make up Poise... a graceful and elegant bearing in a person, composure and dignity of manner, balance of oneself

I struggled with Poise today. I had to show in class today and that is one of my least favorite things to do. I am not competitive at all nor do I enjoy being in front of a group of people watching me. I really lack confidence in this area. I have come along way but, I have so far to go! I also struggled with composure through out the day when things came up that were different from what I expected or had been changed.

Do you have Poise. Do you handle yourself in a graceful and elegant manner with composure at all times, or do you loose your temper and fall of the wagon everytime you mess up a bit or temptation takes over for a meal of two.Do you throw in the towel just because you don't loose any weight for the week or you have a gain. Do you compare yourself to others that are doing well and feel you never measure up.

Poise is a key to success!! You have to lift your head and keep on moving in a forward motion without being derailed.

Remember....keep on moving in a forward motion...you can do this!

Thank you for the blog award!...

I missed last weeks weigh-in because I was gone camping. I will weigh-in on this week.....I'm guessing I didn't loose but I don't think it will be a big gain, maybe stay the same?...I just haven't worked very hard at exercise this week. I did go on a lot of walks when we were camping but I have not gotten in a good work out every day this week. I have been watching my calories and most days I have been on target.... a few days I was over my budget.

Thank you goes to Shmologna @ http://thebigsister80.blogspot.com/for the great blog award!

Remember.... keep on moving in a forward motion!

Have a great week!

Feeling good about myself...

This week I lost 2.6 pounds which allowed me to mark off some of my goals. I got to check off "lost 40 pounds", "lost 15% of my weight", "feeling good about myself". I also got to add a new HYC badge to my blog and another healthy heart to my collection. This is a lot of things to feel good about but, most of all I think I feel the best about not giving up!! I have faced many challenges in the last year and a half and many of them could have made me throw in the towel but, I am not giving up on me. I deserve to be healthy and strong. I am worth it! Most of the time I feel like I am barely hanging in there and struggling with loosing weight but, loosing weight is not the only way to feel good about yourself. There are many weeks that I don't have a loss but I try to keep on looking forward and moving on in a healthy direction trying to be positive about myself in all areas. I am working on physical and mental goals as well in a class 2-3 times a week. It has been a major struggle for me but I am doing it and not giving up!! (another test coming up on Sept. 11) I was not sure I could do this next test last week but now I have decided I am moving forward and going to do my best!

Hope everyone is having a great week and looking forward! :)
What do you feel good about this week??

Weigh-in Day...

I weighed in yesterday. Ok...I have to say it.....I gained this week. I gained .8 of a pound. Ok now I said it and now I can move on. Yesterday I fretted about it and then overate....and it wasn't even a big gain! I usually give myself a day to eat whatever I want or have been craving through the week and that day is weigh-in day. I've noticed that if I loose any amount it motivates me to eat healthy even if I eat a bit more than I do during the week. But yesterday I didn't do well. I ate a big breakfast and then a big dinner and ice cream after that. I did have a healthy lunch though.
So, today is a new day and I am looking ahead and not back.....I can make it a healthy day today!
Off I go to take my daughter shopping today so she can spend her birthday money....and I already have a healthy plan for lunch!!
Hope everyone is doing good and can find their "Mo-Mo!"
This is going to be my goal for the week to focus on my Mo-Mo. Check it out!!